I ate a lemon blackberry donut this morning, and instantly wished I hadn't. It tore me up. Jacob ate his on the way to work, and texted me to ask if he should just give the rest away. I said that was probably the best idea. Then he texted me and said, "mine tore me up too. What happened to us?" I said, "We're... Healthy..."
The Whole30 challenge is officially over, and I am totally in love with the results we have gotten. I didn't post last week with an update partly because of being busy, but mostly because our meals and lifestyle felt too normal to write a whole post about. That may be my favorite result of all. Clean eating no longer feels like a special or foreign concept. It feels normal. I never thought I would say that...
Here are some of the results that made the Whole30 challenge worth every slice of pizza not eaten and every pie we walked away from at the grocery store:
1. Jacob and I lot 15 pounds each! That is completely crazy to me, and I feel like I have lost even more than that. I have not lost any significant weight since I started gaining wait in the middle of college (2011), so this is huge!
2. We both lost inches from our waists, and I lost two inches from each thigh. Our clothes fit better. We feel more confident, and we are reenergized to keep this program going (with a few tweaks of course).
3. Jacob has completely stopped snoring. I used to have to wake him up a couple times while I was trying to fall asleep, but for the last several weeks, he hasn't snored at all.
4. Our pearly whites are actually pearly white. We haven't changed our coffee intake, but our teeth are significantly whiter than they were before. I believe it is because of all the calcium we have gotten from green vegetables we never used to eat.
5. We both have clearer skin. My cheeks are rosy again, and I haven't had any breakouts since the first week or so of the program.
6. Thinking of healthy meals is easy. This was never true for me before, which is why we resorted to take out or frozen pizza so often. After 30 days of practice, Jacob and I can whip up a compliant meal in under 20 minutes.
7. Increased appreciation for healthy foods: I appreciate now the taste of different foods in their natural state without needing to douse everything with stir fry sauce or cheese.
8. Reduced portions: With the introduction of healthy foods, we have reduced the volume of food we eat every day. In the past, Jacob and I could both eat quite a bit in a day, but now we just don't want to. One thing we love about the Whole30 is that you can eat as much as you want of the compliant foods. We didn't have to feel hungry like we have on diets in the past.
9. Reduced bloating: Jacob and I used to get very bloated some days, and we weren't sure why. Our clothes that fit ok in the morning were seriously tight by evening time. We still aren't completely sure what was causing it, but whatever it was, we haven't been eating it on the Whole30. As we add in new foods (if we add in new foods), we will be on the look out for the culprit.
10. Reduced spending: Jacob and I have not gone out to eat a single time this entire month. We used to buy groceries and then spend a ridiculous amount of money eating out when were too tired or too lazy to make meals. The food we bought would just sit in the fridge going bad while we went out. We have noticed a big change in our finances since we stopped eating out.
11. Sense of Pride and Accomplishment: One of the most enjoyable parts of doing this program has been talking to people about it and hearing other people's success stories. I have shared updates with many of my co-workers, family members, and friends, and read blogs about others who have completed the program. The sense of pride and accomplishment that Jacob and I both feel about completing this difficult challenge is something I haven't felt about my eating or health for a long, long time.
With the conclusion of the official Whole30, our plan is to relax a little on the guidelines this weekend (thus the donut this morning), and then pick back up on Tuesday. We both feel empowered to continue, and we are encouraging each other every day.
We also have a challenge we have designed for ourselves that we are starting in the beginning of July. More info on that to come!
If you are interested in trying the Whole30 challenge, I wholeheartedly encourage you to try. I never thought I could do it, but I did. You absolutely can too, and I would love to help in any way I can!
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Prying Sugar from Stress
Today I officially slammed into a wall and reached the point of never wanting to eat another leaf of kale in my life, the stage in this Whole30 shenanigan where I want meat, only meat, and possibly potatoes. Luckily I can have both of those, but this Whole30 is hard.
Jacob and I are half-way through the program, and after two weeks of eating such a clean diet, I thought I would miss cheese, but it really hasn't even crossed my mind. The two foods I actually do miss are regular salad dressing and peanut sauce. Weird foods to miss, I know, but they would make meal planning so much easier!
To be perfectly honest, I have not struggled too much with following the rules and embracing compliant foods until just recently, but now I am definitely there. I have surprised myself in this challenge countless times by being open-minded and actually liking foods that would have been completely off-the-table before, but I have found myself the last couple days feeling stressed and overwhelmed at work and my stress-eating tendencies are emerging again. I have fought them valiantly (and with some frustration) and settled with apple slices sautéed in ghee and cinnamon (an excellent combination if you've never tried it) as a little taste of warm sweetness in a world of green veggies.
If there's anything I have become acutely aware of on this program its my psychological relationship and reliance on food, most of which is unhealthy. I want salty and sweet foods when I'm stressed, and I often can't get my mind off the craving for long enough to let them pass. While I've known about this tendency for a while, it has never been so glaring as it has this week. My ultimate goal by the end of this program is to break this habit of allowing my emotions to dictate my eating habit and cravings. I am definitely not there yet, but I'm stubborn. It will happen.
The Whole30 book explains that a major component of the challenge is to break not only addictions to certain foods and ingredients (sugar mostly), but also to deconstruct psychological connections to certain foods, textures, and emotional eating tendencies. This aspect is absolutely the hardest. In fact, it takes a ridiculous amount of motivation and will power, and encouragement from Jacob doesn't hurt either.
Word to the wise: never try this program alone. I know for sure I never would have made it this far without a serious support network.
Changes we have noticed this week:
--Clearer skin
--Whiter teeth (like seriously whiter)
--Maybe some weight loss in the waist and leg areas?
--Feeling more flexible/less bloated (except for Wednesday when both of us were bloated and felt like balloons)
--Mental awareness of good food choices (no more eating hot wings and then regretting it the moment they are gone)
Aside from the trouble I have run into recently, the past week has been one of finding ways to make meals in reasonable amounts of time, and we have made some fabulous ones! Here is a look at what we have been eating.
Jacob and I are half-way through the program, and after two weeks of eating such a clean diet, I thought I would miss cheese, but it really hasn't even crossed my mind. The two foods I actually do miss are regular salad dressing and peanut sauce. Weird foods to miss, I know, but they would make meal planning so much easier!
To be perfectly honest, I have not struggled too much with following the rules and embracing compliant foods until just recently, but now I am definitely there. I have surprised myself in this challenge countless times by being open-minded and actually liking foods that would have been completely off-the-table before, but I have found myself the last couple days feeling stressed and overwhelmed at work and my stress-eating tendencies are emerging again. I have fought them valiantly (and with some frustration) and settled with apple slices sautéed in ghee and cinnamon (an excellent combination if you've never tried it) as a little taste of warm sweetness in a world of green veggies.
If there's anything I have become acutely aware of on this program its my psychological relationship and reliance on food, most of which is unhealthy. I want salty and sweet foods when I'm stressed, and I often can't get my mind off the craving for long enough to let them pass. While I've known about this tendency for a while, it has never been so glaring as it has this week. My ultimate goal by the end of this program is to break this habit of allowing my emotions to dictate my eating habit and cravings. I am definitely not there yet, but I'm stubborn. It will happen.
The Whole30 book explains that a major component of the challenge is to break not only addictions to certain foods and ingredients (sugar mostly), but also to deconstruct psychological connections to certain foods, textures, and emotional eating tendencies. This aspect is absolutely the hardest. In fact, it takes a ridiculous amount of motivation and will power, and encouragement from Jacob doesn't hurt either.
Word to the wise: never try this program alone. I know for sure I never would have made it this far without a serious support network.
Changes we have noticed this week:
--Clearer skin
--Whiter teeth (like seriously whiter)
--Maybe some weight loss in the waist and leg areas?
--Feeling more flexible/less bloated (except for Wednesday when both of us were bloated and felt like balloons)
--Mental awareness of good food choices (no more eating hot wings and then regretting it the moment they are gone)
Aside from the trouble I have run into recently, the past week has been one of finding ways to make meals in reasonable amounts of time, and we have made some fabulous ones! Here is a look at what we have been eating.
Taco Salad with ground turkey, cauliflower rice, tomato, avocado, and lemon garlic sauce
Lettuce-wrapped turkey burgers with avocado, onion, and grilled jalapeños (on Jacob's) and grilled asparagus
(or grapes since I still can't do asparagus)
This week, we're focusing on getting more creative with our dishes and finding more recipes that we love so we can add more variety to our diet and dig ourselves out of this rut. To do this, we're treating ourselves to buying a garlic press and a slicing mandolin for making zucchini chips. We also picked up this cookbook that I am really excited about. Although paleo is not exactly Whole30, they are very similar, and we can't wait to try some of the recipes!
Our outlook for moving forward is positive. We know this slump is only temporary even though it feels like an eternity, and we still plan to continue a Whole30-like diet that includes salad dressing and peanut sauce after the challenge is over.
Monday, June 6, 2016
A Week on Whole30 Can Feel Like a Lifetime
Today I have officially been on the Whole30 for a week and kind of feels like a lifetime. I have made to much progress in figuring out what I can have and what is non-compliant as well as how to make a delicious meal out of ingredients I never would have chosen myself. I have never tried snow peas, but this week I bought snow peas, ate them, and loved them. I will absolutely buy them again. I discovered cauliflower rice and fell in love. I made the best salmon of my life. Nothing in my refrigerator went bad. I ate leftover stir-fry, and that alone is a groundbreaking event.
Each day has brought a unique challenge, which has also made this week feel like a lifetime kind of an iffy way.
Day1 (Tuesday): Terrible. The food we spent so long preparing was inedible, and I was in a "what-on-God's-green-earth-did-we-agree-to" panic. I thought to myself that I would not make it, and I was terrified that I would fail at this challenge. By the end of the night, I started feeling motivated again because of the newness of the program, but that fear of failure and panic were definitely present.
Day 2 (Wednesday): We went crazy at Whole Foods. Jacob and I both felt desperate to both complete the program and not be miserable eating disgusting food the whole time, so we did some research on brands of different foods, particularly sauces, that are compliant. We found very few, but they do exist! We closed our eyes to prices and called it an investment in our health and confidence. We came home feeling a little poorer but quite a bit more jazzed for what the month had to offer. We decided to abandon the recipes in the Whole30 book and think of compliant recipes that are more suited to our tastes. Jacob did experience his "Whole30 Hangover" on this day, but it was fairly minor.
Day 3 (Thursday): A normal feeling day without a food-related crisis. We made our meals and ate them and were happy about it. We were excited and found ourselves talking about how good we felt about making the decision to start this crazy challenge and how excited we are to be in control of what we are eating, instead of our sugar-addicted brains.
Day 4 (Friday): I thought I would die on Friday. My "Whole30 Hangover" hit me like a sledge hammer. I was in bed almost all day with insane sweats, headache, back and shoulder pain, nausea, and (ahem...) digestive issues. I have never experienced symptoms so severe without having a serious illness or stomach bug, but I believe now it was a symptom of sugar withdrawal. It's kind of sick how reliant on sugar my body was.
Day 5 (Saturday): Saturday is when we fell into a groove, and we haven't stopped. It is easier now than ever to envision compliant meals out of a pile of ingredients. I was excited to think about combining flavors and make every one of our own meals from scratch.
Day 6 (Sunday): Sunday felt normal too. I hadn't noticed a lot of change in body or mind, except for a strong metallic taste in my mouth. After doing some research, I believe this was a signal that my body has gone into Ketosis. This sounds absolutely horrible, but it is actually just a state where the body begins using fat for fuel instead of sugar. That means fat is burning!
Day 7 (Monday): Today I thought a lot about cake, cookies, and brownies. For some reason, my brain just goes there. I did find out today that I am allergic to bell peppers. This was somewhat of a surprise and also somewhat expected. I have always hated the smell of bell peppers, and I have never really wanted to eat them. I have always wanted to want to eat them, so in recent years I have started just going for it. Finding out now that they don't agree with my body solidifies the need for me to listen to my body and trust my instincts.
I am thrilled to see where this challenge will take Jacob and I, and we are taking one day at a time. So far, so good! The next hurdle I plan to tackle is maintaining the program while spending less time. We have been spending a ridiculous and unsustainable amount of time prepping food and planning meals. But, right now, at this moment, I truly feel I could continue this plan well past 30 days.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
One Inedible Salad Can't Stop Me!
Today is a day that I hope to remember for a long, long time. Today is the day Jacob and I are committing 100% to transforming our eating habits. We have been talking about it for several months, but today, we actually started the Whole30 challenge!
For those unfamiliar, the Whole30 challenge is a clean eating program that lasts 30 complete days and involves eliminating possible allergens and some generally bad food choices from your diet. The overall idea is that in 30 days, the body/brain can form a habit, so after the 30 days are over, the healthy habits will continue. Also after the 30 days, you can reintroduce whatever foods you want back into your diet (paying attention to reactions as you introduce them) and leave out whatever foods you have learned not to want.
For more info, check out the Whole30 website: http://whole30.com
Ever since I can remember, I have been addicted to pizza, chips, cheese, cheesecake, Belgian waffles, chocolate chip cookies, fake Chinese food, and the list goes on. Anything fatty, salty, and sweet. When I was in high school, I would eat almost nothing during the day at school and then come home and make two Belgian waffles. In middle school, I made two batches of chocolate chip cookies every week. I knew I should have been eating differently, but I just didn't. I didn't realize the long term effects and habits I was creating that I would struggle to break to this day.
I believe these addictions are physiological and also psychological. Something in me craves them, and until this point, I have not had the conviction to firmly reject them. I am beyond ecstatic to have finally reached this point!
The program consists of completely removing added sugar and sweeteners, dairy, grains (including pseudo-grains like quinoa), soy in all forms, artificial preservatives, certain types of fats, and legumes. That leaves meats, eggs, vegetables, fruits, some types of fats (olive oil, ghee, coconut oil), herbs and spices as long as they are compliant.
Breaking addictions is hard. Jacob and I stayed up late "whole30 proofing" the kitchen and preparing a variety of sauces and dressings to use throughout the week. We both took chicken salads for lunch with carrots, apples, and our homemade dressing. I was pumped to have a hearty breakfast before leaving for work. When lunchtime rolled around, I dug into my salad and realized that the dressing we made last night was awful. It was almost inedible. I was pissed! I was hungry and irritated and frustrated. I choked down as much as I could stomach and ate the carrots. It was a terrible first Whole30 lunch, but we tried again for dinner. I admit, I had a pretty bad attitude about how dinner was going to turn out, but it actually wasn't too bad!
I honestly believe I need to retrain my tastebuds to appreciate natural flavors, and that retaining is going to be one hell of a process. I am not giving up for the entire 30 days as prove to myself that I can put my health first.
If any of you have tried the Whole30 challenge or something similar, how did it go for you? I am definitely looking for taste-tested compliant recipes!
Wish me luck!
For those unfamiliar, the Whole30 challenge is a clean eating program that lasts 30 complete days and involves eliminating possible allergens and some generally bad food choices from your diet. The overall idea is that in 30 days, the body/brain can form a habit, so after the 30 days are over, the healthy habits will continue. Also after the 30 days, you can reintroduce whatever foods you want back into your diet (paying attention to reactions as you introduce them) and leave out whatever foods you have learned not to want.
For more info, check out the Whole30 website: http://whole30.com
Ever since I can remember, I have been addicted to pizza, chips, cheese, cheesecake, Belgian waffles, chocolate chip cookies, fake Chinese food, and the list goes on. Anything fatty, salty, and sweet. When I was in high school, I would eat almost nothing during the day at school and then come home and make two Belgian waffles. In middle school, I made two batches of chocolate chip cookies every week. I knew I should have been eating differently, but I just didn't. I didn't realize the long term effects and habits I was creating that I would struggle to break to this day.
I believe these addictions are physiological and also psychological. Something in me craves them, and until this point, I have not had the conviction to firmly reject them. I am beyond ecstatic to have finally reached this point!
The program consists of completely removing added sugar and sweeteners, dairy, grains (including pseudo-grains like quinoa), soy in all forms, artificial preservatives, certain types of fats, and legumes. That leaves meats, eggs, vegetables, fruits, some types of fats (olive oil, ghee, coconut oil), herbs and spices as long as they are compliant.
Breaking addictions is hard. Jacob and I stayed up late "whole30 proofing" the kitchen and preparing a variety of sauces and dressings to use throughout the week. We both took chicken salads for lunch with carrots, apples, and our homemade dressing. I was pumped to have a hearty breakfast before leaving for work. When lunchtime rolled around, I dug into my salad and realized that the dressing we made last night was awful. It was almost inedible. I was pissed! I was hungry and irritated and frustrated. I choked down as much as I could stomach and ate the carrots. It was a terrible first Whole30 lunch, but we tried again for dinner. I admit, I had a pretty bad attitude about how dinner was going to turn out, but it actually wasn't too bad!
I honestly believe I need to retrain my tastebuds to appreciate natural flavors, and that retaining is going to be one hell of a process. I am not giving up for the entire 30 days as prove to myself that I can put my health first.
If any of you have tried the Whole30 challenge or something similar, how did it go for you? I am definitely looking for taste-tested compliant recipes!
Wish me luck!
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Its Okay That I'm Not The One Going to India
Ever since Jacob and I got back from New Orleans, we have listened to nothing but Louis Armstrong's greatest hits. Something about that trumpet and those mellow lyrics have captured us. We are still high from feeling the wind tangle through our hair as we tipped our heads out the windows of the streetcars. It truly is a mesmerizing city, one of mystery and intoxicating creepiness. I feel evermore connected to Jacob and thrilled that we are making the memories we want to make with each other.
When we arrived in the city, it was pouring rain and hot, and I can get kind of nasty when I'm hot. We were lugging our suit cases from this bus to that street car and trying to find our hotel after sleeping only an hour the night before while also dodging other people on bustling Canal Street. Both of us were tired, and both of us stepped in toxic-looking puddles several times between the bus to the hotel.
And then finally we made it. We both crashed in the hotel for what we thought would be a power nap but that actually turned into three-hours of luxurious rest. When we woke up, we decided to order pizza and see what we felt like doing afterwards. I felt pressure to see everything and do everything in a city with so much history and reputation, but I forced myself to listen to my body and what Jacob and I wanted to do instead of what we "should" do. This "see what we feel like doing" would not have been O.K. with me in the past. I would have insisted that we stick to our power nap plan and then run ourselves ragged pounding pavement into the night so we could see everything. This moment in New Orleans, when I valued Jacob's and my desires over what I felt pressured to do, was a victory for me.
Several summers ago, I went to china with a group of graduate students to teach English for a month. Three of them were hardcore travelers with agendas for continuing on through China after our teaching month was over. At some point during that month, one of my fellow teachers explained this phenomenon of feeling intense pressure to do and see everything, which can turn into a serious source of stress. She called it F.O.M.O. or Fear of Missing Out. I'm not sure if that is her name for it or it's official name, but it made a lot of sense. I had never heard of it before but knew instantly that I suffered from it. I was always wishing I was somewhere else or that I was the one going to India. F.O.M.O. has lead me to frustration and ignoring the countless joys in my life. It made me forget all the wonderful things I had going for me. I was going to graduate school. I was working and able to live comfortably. I had friends and a fabulous boyfriend at the time. Still, I wanted to be the one with the picture of myself drinking red wine on a Greek island.
Recently, I have focused on showing gratitude for what I have in my life and appreciating the experiences others get to have. I know now that I can make anything happen in my life, and it is up to me to do it. This has lead to careful consideration of what Jacob and I actually want in life and in each situation. It turns out, most of the things I so desperately wanted are not actually that important to me. And, this has made it possible to do the things that are.
I am continuing to challenge myself to make the memories that I want to make and not the memories that someone else or the world says I should make. I am reminding myself that every day of life is memory-worthy, good or bad. Watching insane lightning shows on the front porch or listening to the neighbor outline his idea for a celebrity-studded public radio show, all of it is memory-worthy because it is a part of the life Jacob and I have designed.
I still fall into F.O.M.O. sometimes. I still get frustrated. It is a work in progress, but I think it is a worthy one.
Monday, May 9, 2016
I'm Never Going to Prom Without Makeup Again
Self-care is not something that has ever come easily to me. I come from a family that values practicality, frugality, and efficiency, and painting my toe nails or doing a face mask really has never been a top priority. I went to prom without doing my hair or wearing any makeup whatsoever. It just wasn't on my radar.
In college, however, my dear friend and roommate taught me about looking pretty and feeling put together. We would joke about how people from Idaho (she is from Idaho) always look put together because they have nothing else to do. She probably doesn't know it to this day, but she was really the first glimpse I had into the world of pampering myself, looking how I wanted to look, and feeling how I wanted to feel about myself. She even let me wear her necklaces and use her hair dryer once in a while.
It was my sophomore year in college that I first bought my own hair dryer and actually used it. I painted my nails on a regular basis. I bought frilly underwear. I took long showers with expensive body wash and shampoo. I explored this world of what I saw as luxury, but I was never really able to master it and incorporate new self-care routines into my daily life. They all felt like once-in-a-while skip-class-and-slurge kinds of things.
For a while, after college, I kind of abandoned self-care all together. I found time for just the basics. My hair was clean, but it wasn't styled most days. My outfits weren't wrinkly and stained, but they weren't anything to be proud of either. They didn't inspire confidence. I think this shift happened as I continued to gain weight after college and began not fitting into the clothes I had once loved. I also didn't have the money I thought I needed to buy hair products and pay for pedicures. More than that, on some level, I didn't feel like I deserved them. I was working two jobs and feeling completely stagnant in my career. I was comfortable, but I wasn't working towards anything, towards bettering myself. After four years of constantly working towards something and taking opportunity after opportunity, this sudden stand still was completely foreign.
This slump continued for several years. I continued doing the same daily grind, often not waking up in time to pamper myself in the mornings and not having the energy to do anything in the evenings.
Up until about January of this year, there was no change. I was doing the minimum to look half-way presentable at work, but nothing else.
When I started this health journey, I decided I had to change the way my body functioned, but I also had to change value that I place on myself. I had to begin considering my body a valuable piece of equipment that deserves care and maintenance. This has taken, and still takes, quite a bit of conscious effort. Its not that I hate myself or anything like that. It is just that doing self-care activities is not a first priority. I just often don't think about it, but when I do, when I make time for even small self-care activities, I reap the benefits for days. I feel comfortable in my skin and empowered to face the day. I feel like I am prepared for anything that I encounter, and I'm going to look good doing it.
As a way of trying to make self-care a part of my everyday life, I have found some simple yet powerful practices that have been working for me. I don't pay for pedicures, and I don't spend hours everyday lounging in the tub. In fact, I don't even have a bathtub. A few minutes a few times a week has given me confidence that I have never really had before in who I am and what I am ready to face.
Here is what has been working for me so far:
At home pedicures: I have really rough feet. I always have. And I also live in Texas where it feels like I am crawling around on the surface of the sun during the summer months. I live in my Birkenstocks. To help keep me comfortable wearing sandals all summer, and even in the winter having soft touchable feet is a plus, I do a pedicure at home once a week. I have found that hot water, a simple pumice stone, a gentle foot scrub (which you can make at home), a rich lotion, and a classy polish color do the trick for me. It only takes about 10 minutes, but the difference it brings to my attitude is astounding.
Lotion Breaks: I take 30 seconds, even when I am running late, to lather my whole body in lotion after I get out of the shower. This not only gives me a few seconds to honor my whole body, it has also radically improved the condition of my skin. In the summer heat and the winter cold, my skin gets dry, flaky, and red in some areas. Before I started doing these lotion breaks, I would get to work and realize that the skin on my arms was so dry I was embarrassed to let anyone see it. It would be on my mind all day! I no longer have this problem, and it is one less worry I have to deal with.
Eyebrows and Lips: I don't wear makeup on a regular basis, and I have no desire to start. I have found though that two small changes to my morning routine have boosted my confidence in my appearance more than I could have imagined. I was reading an article about looking good with glasses somewhere online, and it mentioned paying attention to your eyebrows since the frames of glasses draw the eye to the eyebrow. I started shaping my eyebrows and instantly felt more put together. I also started wearing a neutral/slightly rosy shade of lip stick every day. This finishing touch is exactly what I was looking for to look polished and put together. This together takes about one minute in the morning but completely changes the outlook for my day.
As I continue on this path of total health, I will be adding to my list!
Obviously, these three self-care activities won't be what everyone is looking for, but they are representative of the simple, quick changes in self-care that can transform the way you look and feel about yourself.
Changes:
Placing value on my body and the maintenance it requires
Finding small, manageable changes that buy a lot of confidence for me
Taking the time to do self-care activities every week
In college, however, my dear friend and roommate taught me about looking pretty and feeling put together. We would joke about how people from Idaho (she is from Idaho) always look put together because they have nothing else to do. She probably doesn't know it to this day, but she was really the first glimpse I had into the world of pampering myself, looking how I wanted to look, and feeling how I wanted to feel about myself. She even let me wear her necklaces and use her hair dryer once in a while.
It was my sophomore year in college that I first bought my own hair dryer and actually used it. I painted my nails on a regular basis. I bought frilly underwear. I took long showers with expensive body wash and shampoo. I explored this world of what I saw as luxury, but I was never really able to master it and incorporate new self-care routines into my daily life. They all felt like once-in-a-while skip-class-and-slurge kinds of things.
For a while, after college, I kind of abandoned self-care all together. I found time for just the basics. My hair was clean, but it wasn't styled most days. My outfits weren't wrinkly and stained, but they weren't anything to be proud of either. They didn't inspire confidence. I think this shift happened as I continued to gain weight after college and began not fitting into the clothes I had once loved. I also didn't have the money I thought I needed to buy hair products and pay for pedicures. More than that, on some level, I didn't feel like I deserved them. I was working two jobs and feeling completely stagnant in my career. I was comfortable, but I wasn't working towards anything, towards bettering myself. After four years of constantly working towards something and taking opportunity after opportunity, this sudden stand still was completely foreign.
This slump continued for several years. I continued doing the same daily grind, often not waking up in time to pamper myself in the mornings and not having the energy to do anything in the evenings.
Up until about January of this year, there was no change. I was doing the minimum to look half-way presentable at work, but nothing else.
When I started this health journey, I decided I had to change the way my body functioned, but I also had to change value that I place on myself. I had to begin considering my body a valuable piece of equipment that deserves care and maintenance. This has taken, and still takes, quite a bit of conscious effort. Its not that I hate myself or anything like that. It is just that doing self-care activities is not a first priority. I just often don't think about it, but when I do, when I make time for even small self-care activities, I reap the benefits for days. I feel comfortable in my skin and empowered to face the day. I feel like I am prepared for anything that I encounter, and I'm going to look good doing it.
As a way of trying to make self-care a part of my everyday life, I have found some simple yet powerful practices that have been working for me. I don't pay for pedicures, and I don't spend hours everyday lounging in the tub. In fact, I don't even have a bathtub. A few minutes a few times a week has given me confidence that I have never really had before in who I am and what I am ready to face.
Here is what has been working for me so far:
At home pedicures: I have really rough feet. I always have. And I also live in Texas where it feels like I am crawling around on the surface of the sun during the summer months. I live in my Birkenstocks. To help keep me comfortable wearing sandals all summer, and even in the winter having soft touchable feet is a plus, I do a pedicure at home once a week. I have found that hot water, a simple pumice stone, a gentle foot scrub (which you can make at home), a rich lotion, and a classy polish color do the trick for me. It only takes about 10 minutes, but the difference it brings to my attitude is astounding.
Lotion Breaks: I take 30 seconds, even when I am running late, to lather my whole body in lotion after I get out of the shower. This not only gives me a few seconds to honor my whole body, it has also radically improved the condition of my skin. In the summer heat and the winter cold, my skin gets dry, flaky, and red in some areas. Before I started doing these lotion breaks, I would get to work and realize that the skin on my arms was so dry I was embarrassed to let anyone see it. It would be on my mind all day! I no longer have this problem, and it is one less worry I have to deal with.
Eyebrows and Lips: I don't wear makeup on a regular basis, and I have no desire to start. I have found though that two small changes to my morning routine have boosted my confidence in my appearance more than I could have imagined. I was reading an article about looking good with glasses somewhere online, and it mentioned paying attention to your eyebrows since the frames of glasses draw the eye to the eyebrow. I started shaping my eyebrows and instantly felt more put together. I also started wearing a neutral/slightly rosy shade of lip stick every day. This finishing touch is exactly what I was looking for to look polished and put together. This together takes about one minute in the morning but completely changes the outlook for my day.
As I continue on this path of total health, I will be adding to my list!
Obviously, these three self-care activities won't be what everyone is looking for, but they are representative of the simple, quick changes in self-care that can transform the way you look and feel about yourself.
Changes:
Placing value on my body and the maintenance it requires
Finding small, manageable changes that buy a lot of confidence for me
Taking the time to do self-care activities every week
Friday, May 6, 2016
Killing the Worry Wart
I think I can safely say I am a worry wart. As much as I hate it, the title is very fitting, and I think I have always been that way to some degree. Its mostly because I pay close attention to details. I often foresee trouble based on predictions of small oversights colliding at precisely the wrong moment and ending in catastrophe. This usually doesn't even happen, but once I have an thought of what could happen if everything that can go wrong does, I am off.
For the last several months, I have been battling with a destructive habit of worrying myself into oblivion about problems that aren't even mine to worry about. It has been happening at work, at home, at school, everywhere. I notice something small that I believe will likely go wrong and focus on it so intently that I can focus on almost nothing else. The anxiety stemming from one of these small possible catastrophes can last for several days, until the event passes or I can consciously pry myself from the thoughts. I believe now that this habit has only aggravated the health issues I have been struggling with recently.
This infographic does a nice job of outlining the effects that anxiety can have on the body, and has definitely opened my eyes to the harm that I have been causing myself simply through my thoughts and the resulting physiological changes in the body that are triggered by the "fight or flight" response.
 |
| Graphic borrowed from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/20/your-body-on-anxiety_n_5352548.html |
As I continue to do research on the impact that the mind has on the body, I am continuously shocked and amazed. The brain is a powerful entity in the body and can make the difference between health and illness.
This week, I have been trying to identify the moments I begin to obsess over the possibility of a mishap or at least to become conscious of the worry as soon as I can as a way of reducing the amount of stress I place on myself. Once the worry has been identified, I ask myself whether it is something that I need to worry about. Usually the answer is no. I have been focusing on clearing my mind and reminding myself "It is not my problem to worry about." I have already felt a deeper sense of relaxation in the evenings, when I normally can not release all the possible debacles from the day. I plan to experiment with aromatherapy as support for my process of conscious de-stressing my life in the weeks and months to come.
I can't wait to feel the benefits of this self-challenge!
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Counting Sheep Seriously Doesn't Work
Sleep has been the most underrated element of health in my life since I stopped having nap time in elementary school. I would fill my days so full that only a few hours were left for sleep each night. In college, this, like most of my other bad habits, got worse. I would go to sleep around 2am every morning and wake up usually at about 6 or 7 for class or sleep all the way until noon or later. There was no consistency, and I had a completely sporadic sleep rhythm, but I didn't think anything of it.
My junior and senior years of college, I started taking naps in the afternoon only to wake up several hours later groggy and unable to fall asleep at a reasonable hour for the night. I figured naps would help fill in the gaps in my sleeping patterns, but I was exacerbating the problem. I just always thought I was a night owl.
When I graduated from college, I started working two part-time jobs and was out of the house from 8 am - 9:30 pm most days of the week. Naps were no longer an option, but I still did not give myself the hours of sleep I needed. It was some sort of sick inner competition to see how much I could get done in a day. I was late for work almost every morning because I was physically unable to wake up to one, two, three.... seven alarms. I would wake up not remembering turning off all those alarms and shoot out of bed in a state of utter panic at the time I was supposed to be leaving the house. I never had the chance to eat breakfast or put myself together before leaving. I never felt presentable, and I was groggy all the way until lunchtime. When I got home, I would finally feel awake and comfortable and proceed to say up until I couldn't keep my eyes open.
For two years I did this with occasional days of just sleeping all day to "make up" for late nights. When I moved to Texas, I started graduate school and the terrible cycle continued. At this point, I decided to start trying to go to bed earlier. I was working and going to school and doing homework, and I was tired all the time, so this was a fantastic decision, except that it didn't work. I couldn't fall asleep earlier. I would just lay in bed for sometimes a couple hours before finally drifting off to sleep at my normal ridiculous hour.
While this felt like a hopeless situation, I have found three things so far that have helped my commit to going to sleep and waking up at a reasonable hour everyday, even weekends. Since it has become a priority, I can't even imagine how I made it all those years on as little sleep as I did.
1. Knowledge of the dangers of sleep deprivation: Sleep deprivation is directly connected to weight gain and inability to lose weight, high blood pressure, impaired blood sugar management, increased stress, and overall increased inflammation. That list is pretty nasty, and that isn't everything! Lack of sleep impacts the whole body, brain, and attitude. Realizing the harm that my sleeping pattern was doing to my body, I added sleep to the top of the list of elements of health that I had to turn around in my life.
(Harvard University's Page on the Connection Between Sleep and Health)
2. Lavender essential oil: I began using lavender oil some time ago, but I was never consistent with it. I would use it for a couple days, and then I would start feeling a little more refreshed, so I would forget about it. Recently, in the last couple months, I have been diffusing lavender oil in my bedroom every night, and my husband, Jacob, and I have both been amazed with the benefits. I fall asleep within 10 minutes every night, and I feel rested when I wake up! I also find that it has dramatically decreased the worries (sensation of not being able to "turn my mind off") at night.
Lavender has been used for a really long time for relaxation and as a sleep aid.
For more info:
University of Maryland Medical Center's Page on Lavender
The best part, though, is that it is a natural remedy rather than a synthetic/manufactured one.
I use Doterra Lavender Oil because it is high grade and responsibly sourced.
For more info: Doterra lavender oil product sheet
If you want to try using lavender oil as a natural sleep aid or as a general relaxation enhancer, consider the following methods.
--Diffuser: I use a diffuser at night that I turn on before going to bed and turn off when I wake up. If you are not familiar, a diffuser uses a cool water mist to disperse the oils throughout the air at regular intervals. Here is the diffuser that I have (Aromatherapy Essential Oil Diffuser). Really any cool mist diffuser that is made for essential is fine.
--Linen Spray: If you don't have a diffuser and are not ready to purchase one, a lavender linen spray can bring the benefits to you while you sleep, but it won't last as long since you will just spray it on your bed/pillow before falling asleep.
To make a lavender linen spray: In a 4 oz. glass spray bottle, mix 6-10 drops of lavender essential oil and 4 oz. of witch hazel or vodka. Shake and spray!
(Since oil and water don't mix, the witch hazel or vodka mix with the oil and act as a carrier)
--Topical application: The foot is a great place for essential oils to be absorbed and used by the body. To use this method, simply mix 1 Tbsp. of organic coconut oil with 1-2 drops of lavender essential oil. Rub a finger-full of this mixture on the ball of the feet and on the bottom of the big toe. Pay special attention to the skin between the big toe and the second toe. Then, put on a pair of cotton socks, and relax! I had great success with this method before I got a diffuser!
3. Plexus Triplex: I know my last post was all about Plexus, but I had to mention it again since it has played a major part in my being able to wake up in the morning. The combination of the three different products that I take has enabled to wake up to my first alarm, feel refreshed, and not long to crawl back in bed.
So, where am I today? I now go to sleep at around 9:00 pm and wake up at around 4:30-5:00 am every day, and I am more productive than I used to be by a long shot!
If you struggle with similar sleep issues, I would love to hear what works for you or if the methods suggested above work for you!
My junior and senior years of college, I started taking naps in the afternoon only to wake up several hours later groggy and unable to fall asleep at a reasonable hour for the night. I figured naps would help fill in the gaps in my sleeping patterns, but I was exacerbating the problem. I just always thought I was a night owl.
When I graduated from college, I started working two part-time jobs and was out of the house from 8 am - 9:30 pm most days of the week. Naps were no longer an option, but I still did not give myself the hours of sleep I needed. It was some sort of sick inner competition to see how much I could get done in a day. I was late for work almost every morning because I was physically unable to wake up to one, two, three.... seven alarms. I would wake up not remembering turning off all those alarms and shoot out of bed in a state of utter panic at the time I was supposed to be leaving the house. I never had the chance to eat breakfast or put myself together before leaving. I never felt presentable, and I was groggy all the way until lunchtime. When I got home, I would finally feel awake and comfortable and proceed to say up until I couldn't keep my eyes open.
For two years I did this with occasional days of just sleeping all day to "make up" for late nights. When I moved to Texas, I started graduate school and the terrible cycle continued. At this point, I decided to start trying to go to bed earlier. I was working and going to school and doing homework, and I was tired all the time, so this was a fantastic decision, except that it didn't work. I couldn't fall asleep earlier. I would just lay in bed for sometimes a couple hours before finally drifting off to sleep at my normal ridiculous hour.
While this felt like a hopeless situation, I have found three things so far that have helped my commit to going to sleep and waking up at a reasonable hour everyday, even weekends. Since it has become a priority, I can't even imagine how I made it all those years on as little sleep as I did.
1. Knowledge of the dangers of sleep deprivation: Sleep deprivation is directly connected to weight gain and inability to lose weight, high blood pressure, impaired blood sugar management, increased stress, and overall increased inflammation. That list is pretty nasty, and that isn't everything! Lack of sleep impacts the whole body, brain, and attitude. Realizing the harm that my sleeping pattern was doing to my body, I added sleep to the top of the list of elements of health that I had to turn around in my life.
(Harvard University's Page on the Connection Between Sleep and Health)
2. Lavender essential oil: I began using lavender oil some time ago, but I was never consistent with it. I would use it for a couple days, and then I would start feeling a little more refreshed, so I would forget about it. Recently, in the last couple months, I have been diffusing lavender oil in my bedroom every night, and my husband, Jacob, and I have both been amazed with the benefits. I fall asleep within 10 minutes every night, and I feel rested when I wake up! I also find that it has dramatically decreased the worries (sensation of not being able to "turn my mind off") at night.
Lavender has been used for a really long time for relaxation and as a sleep aid.
For more info:
University of Maryland Medical Center's Page on Lavender
The best part, though, is that it is a natural remedy rather than a synthetic/manufactured one.
I use Doterra Lavender Oil because it is high grade and responsibly sourced.
For more info: Doterra lavender oil product sheet
If you want to try using lavender oil as a natural sleep aid or as a general relaxation enhancer, consider the following methods.
--Diffuser: I use a diffuser at night that I turn on before going to bed and turn off when I wake up. If you are not familiar, a diffuser uses a cool water mist to disperse the oils throughout the air at regular intervals. Here is the diffuser that I have (Aromatherapy Essential Oil Diffuser). Really any cool mist diffuser that is made for essential is fine.
--Linen Spray: If you don't have a diffuser and are not ready to purchase one, a lavender linen spray can bring the benefits to you while you sleep, but it won't last as long since you will just spray it on your bed/pillow before falling asleep.
To make a lavender linen spray: In a 4 oz. glass spray bottle, mix 6-10 drops of lavender essential oil and 4 oz. of witch hazel or vodka. Shake and spray!
(Since oil and water don't mix, the witch hazel or vodka mix with the oil and act as a carrier)
--Topical application: The foot is a great place for essential oils to be absorbed and used by the body. To use this method, simply mix 1 Tbsp. of organic coconut oil with 1-2 drops of lavender essential oil. Rub a finger-full of this mixture on the ball of the feet and on the bottom of the big toe. Pay special attention to the skin between the big toe and the second toe. Then, put on a pair of cotton socks, and relax! I had great success with this method before I got a diffuser!
3. Plexus Triplex: I know my last post was all about Plexus, but I had to mention it again since it has played a major part in my being able to wake up in the morning. The combination of the three different products that I take has enabled to wake up to my first alarm, feel refreshed, and not long to crawl back in bed.
So, where am I today? I now go to sleep at around 9:00 pm and wake up at around 4:30-5:00 am every day, and I am more productive than I used to be by a long shot!
If you struggle with similar sleep issues, I would love to hear what works for you or if the methods suggested above work for you!
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
The Dangers of a Closed Mind
For two summers in college, I worked in a small fishing village in Alaska doing fish processing. My second summer, the grinder that chopped the fish guts into tiny pieces was constantly overflowing, leaving rotting guts and bloody water all over the floor on the lower level of the plant. I was in charge of spreading chlorine in the water to try and control the bacteria and smell until it could be cleaned up. I was spreading chlorine one day when I had a terrible respiratory reaction and couldn't breathe. I was terrified! I went to the hospital in the village, but it was two hours before I was able to see a doctor. By that time the symptoms had subsided, and the doctor thought I was lying about the whole incident. They gave me an inhaler and sent me on my way.
When I got home after that season (my senior year of college), I felt different. I was tired all the time, suffered from terrible brain fog, and started gaining weight really fast, even though I wasn't eating any differently than I had before. I was convinced, after doing online research (of course) that the chlorine exposure had ruined my thyroid, and I was, therefore, not producing the hormones that I needed to maintain a normal weight. I spent nights frantically reading forums and message boards about people's experiences with hypothyroidism. The outlook was terrible. People were sharing stories about gaining hundreds of pounds while eating a vegetarian diet and exercising every day. They talked about the misery they felt as their symptoms lasted years or decades. I got my thyroid tested, and it was normal. I just knew my doctor was lying. I was thoroughly convinced that I would never lose weight or feel normal again.
I did all kinds of research on special diets and supplements that I could try to coax my thyroid into working again. I tried them. I took kelp tablets and didn't eat broccoli. I didn't eat any soy. I was gluten free for three months. I saw absolutely no improvement in my symptoms. Soon, I gave up and tried to accept the idea that this is what the rest of my life would be like.
Several years went by. I was sure my hair was falling out. I was always cold. I couldn't concentrate, and the weight continued to pile on. Some months were worse than others, but based on my research, I was positive that my thyroid was toast.
When I decided to commit and start making serious changes for my health, I started looking for something to give me the boost I needed to get started. I was hoping that I would find something to support my thyroid, but I started seeing article after book after Facebook post about gut health. I realized that the symptoms I had attributed to an under-active thyroid for so long could also be the result of an underlying gut issue. I read about candida (yeast) overgrowth and leaky gut syndrome (http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/05/20/is-your-digestive-system-making-you-sick/). So many of the symptoms were ones that I had! I decided I needed to heal my gut and see if that solved anything.
A friend of mine from high school had been posting on Facebook about Plexus, a healthcare company that focuses on gut health. I was skeptical since many of the testimonials were too good to be true. I was sure the before and after photos were photoshopped. Then I saw my friend's before and after picture and one from another girl I went to high school with. They were astounding! She constantly raved about the added energy she had and that her back pain was gone. One of them had lost over 100 pounds. I decided to go for it.
I carefully researched the ingredients, kept an open mind, and started taking the Plexus Triplex Combo in March. It involves drinking a "pink drink" in the morning, taking a magnesium and citrus supplement to help with cleansing the intestine and oxygenating the body, and also taking a probiotic/anti-fungal at night before bed. These three products together target underlying gut issues that can lead to tons of other surface symptoms. After being on Triplex for almost two months, I can honestly say it is awesome. It has provided benefits I never expected, and it has given me the the boost I needed to really get this health journey started.
The changes I have seen to date include:
1. Better sleep-- I actually wake up to my first alarm in the morning after YEARS of having to set 6+ alarms to wake up.
2. No more seasonal allergies-- After moving to North Texas about three years ago, I was completely debilitated by seasonal allergies every spring and summer. I have not had any allergies so far this season (except the one day I forgot to take my probiotic)!
3. No more constantly feeling bloated-- I feel leaner and comfortable in my clothes
4. More energy throughout the day-- I can make it all the way through the day without coffee. Coffee is no longer a crutch, but more of a treat!
5. Regular appetite (boosted metabolism)-- I can eat breakfast without feeling nauseas! This is huge! I have never been a breakfast eater. Even in high school, I drank ice water for breakfast, and until almost two months ago, I didn't eat anything until about 1pm. At lunch time and dinner time I am hungry but not starving, and I don't crave sweets at night.
6. Increased water intake--I have tried several times in the past to start drinking a gallon of water per day (or at least 1/2 my body weight in water). I have never even gotten close to that. Some days I wouldn't drink any water at all, or at the most, I would drink about 40 ounces. Since starting the products, I am drinking between 80 to 100 ounces of water per day. I crave ice water!
These products have gotten me so excited for health! If you are interested in learning more about gut health or Plexus products, let me know! You can also check out these websites:
http://shopmyplexus.com/apriltrafton
https://www.plexushealthclub.com/home.html
Change: Listen to my body
Keep an open mind about what could be causing negative symptoms
When something doesn't work for me, try something else instead of giving up
When I got home after that season (my senior year of college), I felt different. I was tired all the time, suffered from terrible brain fog, and started gaining weight really fast, even though I wasn't eating any differently than I had before. I was convinced, after doing online research (of course) that the chlorine exposure had ruined my thyroid, and I was, therefore, not producing the hormones that I needed to maintain a normal weight. I spent nights frantically reading forums and message boards about people's experiences with hypothyroidism. The outlook was terrible. People were sharing stories about gaining hundreds of pounds while eating a vegetarian diet and exercising every day. They talked about the misery they felt as their symptoms lasted years or decades. I got my thyroid tested, and it was normal. I just knew my doctor was lying. I was thoroughly convinced that I would never lose weight or feel normal again.
I did all kinds of research on special diets and supplements that I could try to coax my thyroid into working again. I tried them. I took kelp tablets and didn't eat broccoli. I didn't eat any soy. I was gluten free for three months. I saw absolutely no improvement in my symptoms. Soon, I gave up and tried to accept the idea that this is what the rest of my life would be like.
Several years went by. I was sure my hair was falling out. I was always cold. I couldn't concentrate, and the weight continued to pile on. Some months were worse than others, but based on my research, I was positive that my thyroid was toast.
When I decided to commit and start making serious changes for my health, I started looking for something to give me the boost I needed to get started. I was hoping that I would find something to support my thyroid, but I started seeing article after book after Facebook post about gut health. I realized that the symptoms I had attributed to an under-active thyroid for so long could also be the result of an underlying gut issue. I read about candida (yeast) overgrowth and leaky gut syndrome (http://drhyman.com/blog/2010/05/20/is-your-digestive-system-making-you-sick/). So many of the symptoms were ones that I had! I decided I needed to heal my gut and see if that solved anything.
A friend of mine from high school had been posting on Facebook about Plexus, a healthcare company that focuses on gut health. I was skeptical since many of the testimonials were too good to be true. I was sure the before and after photos were photoshopped. Then I saw my friend's before and after picture and one from another girl I went to high school with. They were astounding! She constantly raved about the added energy she had and that her back pain was gone. One of them had lost over 100 pounds. I decided to go for it.
I carefully researched the ingredients, kept an open mind, and started taking the Plexus Triplex Combo in March. It involves drinking a "pink drink" in the morning, taking a magnesium and citrus supplement to help with cleansing the intestine and oxygenating the body, and also taking a probiotic/anti-fungal at night before bed. These three products together target underlying gut issues that can lead to tons of other surface symptoms. After being on Triplex for almost two months, I can honestly say it is awesome. It has provided benefits I never expected, and it has given me the the boost I needed to really get this health journey started.
The changes I have seen to date include:
1. Better sleep-- I actually wake up to my first alarm in the morning after YEARS of having to set 6+ alarms to wake up.
2. No more seasonal allergies-- After moving to North Texas about three years ago, I was completely debilitated by seasonal allergies every spring and summer. I have not had any allergies so far this season (except the one day I forgot to take my probiotic)!
3. No more constantly feeling bloated-- I feel leaner and comfortable in my clothes
4. More energy throughout the day-- I can make it all the way through the day without coffee. Coffee is no longer a crutch, but more of a treat!
5. Regular appetite (boosted metabolism)-- I can eat breakfast without feeling nauseas! This is huge! I have never been a breakfast eater. Even in high school, I drank ice water for breakfast, and until almost two months ago, I didn't eat anything until about 1pm. At lunch time and dinner time I am hungry but not starving, and I don't crave sweets at night.
6. Increased water intake--I have tried several times in the past to start drinking a gallon of water per day (or at least 1/2 my body weight in water). I have never even gotten close to that. Some days I wouldn't drink any water at all, or at the most, I would drink about 40 ounces. Since starting the products, I am drinking between 80 to 100 ounces of water per day. I crave ice water!
These products have gotten me so excited for health! If you are interested in learning more about gut health or Plexus products, let me know! You can also check out these websites:
http://shopmyplexus.com/apriltrafton
https://www.plexushealthclub.com/home.html
Change: Listen to my body
Keep an open mind about what could be causing negative symptoms
When something doesn't work for me, try something else instead of giving up
Sunday, April 24, 2016
A Career Is Only a Fraction of a Life
The single biggest change I have made so far towards total health is a change in mindset about careers. I have always been a driven person, and throughout college, and since then, I have been working single-mindedly towards the career of my dreams. In fact, a career is really all I dreamed about. I wanted to be a college English professor or the director of a writing center with a large staff of eager undergraduate and graduate tutors under me.
When I entered my M.A. program in Teaching English as a Second Language after a month abroad teaching English in China, I shifted that goal to include becoming an English teacher in an intensive English language program. I maintained my desire to become a Writing Center Director as well. These careers are ones that are not easy to come by, and the number of openings versus the number of applicants is not very promising. So, I had to be the best, and as soon as possible.
Every decision I made career-wise was carefully considered and evaluated for its potential for getting me higher up the ladder. I was obsessive about being the leader in my different positions, and I was upset when a co-worker would excel. This extreme competitiveness was toxic for me and led to countless nights laying awake with nervous sweats and thoughts about next moves and minuscule decisions running through my head. I also felt an overwhelming sense that time was slipping through my fingers, that I would be surpassed by others in the field and my colleagues, that I would miss opportunities because of lack of experience or lack of education. In fact, most of the positions I could see myself in required considerably more experience than I had. This feeling of running out of time was with my every day.
I started working in the writing center of a community college about a year ago. As soon as I started, I proposed new programs and expansions to the programs already in place. I was frantically managing details of several projects at once in addition to my normal tutoring duties. I would come home exhausted everyday and then drive almost an hour twice a week for my master's classes. By the time the weekend rolled around, my house was a disaster, I had no food left in the fridge, I felt awful from the constant stress and eating junk throughout the week, and I had a mountain of homework to do. What I wanted to do was sleep all weekend, every weekend.
Several months ago, my boss left the institution, leaving his position open. I thought at first that I wouldn't apply since I wanted to focus on finishing my M.A. and getting healthy, but after a few days of not being able to think about anything but the possibility of moving up and getting a raise, I applied. I got an interview! At that point, I had run myself so ragged that I had developed pneumonia, but I interviewed anyway, fever, crackling lungs and all. I didn't get the job. Someone with more experience got it. This was the last straw. I was miserable. I told my husband, Jacob, that I was going to try something new.
I decided that day to start developing a new way of thinking about my career as a career, and only a career. For so long, for my whole life practically, it had been my life. Being an English teacher is still a goal that I have, but I also have a lot of other goals. I dream of making all of my own clothes, and maybe getting good enough at sewing to sell my creations! I dream of getting a second Master's in a different subject when the time is right, no matter how long it takes. I dream of owing a home that is completely self-sufficient decked out with solar panels and a rain containment system. I dream of working with Jacob to start a craft coffee truck.
So as I continue to make changes, I focus on what I enjoy doing right now. I also focus on where I want to be in the future in various areas of my life: family, love, creativity, health, fitness, and career. I have realized that time is indeed slipping through my fingers, but not in the way I thought before. Time is slipping away when I work myself so hard that I am too exhausted and anxious to enjoy each day.
I still struggle to keep thoughts of a stagnant career or the anxiety that surrounds running out of time from my mind. Sometimes I don't do it very well, but I try to at least be aware of when it is happening and remind myself of where that thinking will get me. I remind myself that I am only 26, and there is a magnificent life ahead of me.
Change: I am striving to place value on every part of my life, not just my career.
I am striving to enjoy every day
When I entered my M.A. program in Teaching English as a Second Language after a month abroad teaching English in China, I shifted that goal to include becoming an English teacher in an intensive English language program. I maintained my desire to become a Writing Center Director as well. These careers are ones that are not easy to come by, and the number of openings versus the number of applicants is not very promising. So, I had to be the best, and as soon as possible.
Every decision I made career-wise was carefully considered and evaluated for its potential for getting me higher up the ladder. I was obsessive about being the leader in my different positions, and I was upset when a co-worker would excel. This extreme competitiveness was toxic for me and led to countless nights laying awake with nervous sweats and thoughts about next moves and minuscule decisions running through my head. I also felt an overwhelming sense that time was slipping through my fingers, that I would be surpassed by others in the field and my colleagues, that I would miss opportunities because of lack of experience or lack of education. In fact, most of the positions I could see myself in required considerably more experience than I had. This feeling of running out of time was with my every day.
I started working in the writing center of a community college about a year ago. As soon as I started, I proposed new programs and expansions to the programs already in place. I was frantically managing details of several projects at once in addition to my normal tutoring duties. I would come home exhausted everyday and then drive almost an hour twice a week for my master's classes. By the time the weekend rolled around, my house was a disaster, I had no food left in the fridge, I felt awful from the constant stress and eating junk throughout the week, and I had a mountain of homework to do. What I wanted to do was sleep all weekend, every weekend.
Several months ago, my boss left the institution, leaving his position open. I thought at first that I wouldn't apply since I wanted to focus on finishing my M.A. and getting healthy, but after a few days of not being able to think about anything but the possibility of moving up and getting a raise, I applied. I got an interview! At that point, I had run myself so ragged that I had developed pneumonia, but I interviewed anyway, fever, crackling lungs and all. I didn't get the job. Someone with more experience got it. This was the last straw. I was miserable. I told my husband, Jacob, that I was going to try something new.
I decided that day to start developing a new way of thinking about my career as a career, and only a career. For so long, for my whole life practically, it had been my life. Being an English teacher is still a goal that I have, but I also have a lot of other goals. I dream of making all of my own clothes, and maybe getting good enough at sewing to sell my creations! I dream of getting a second Master's in a different subject when the time is right, no matter how long it takes. I dream of owing a home that is completely self-sufficient decked out with solar panels and a rain containment system. I dream of working with Jacob to start a craft coffee truck.
So as I continue to make changes, I focus on what I enjoy doing right now. I also focus on where I want to be in the future in various areas of my life: family, love, creativity, health, fitness, and career. I have realized that time is indeed slipping through my fingers, but not in the way I thought before. Time is slipping away when I work myself so hard that I am too exhausted and anxious to enjoy each day.
I still struggle to keep thoughts of a stagnant career or the anxiety that surrounds running out of time from my mind. Sometimes I don't do it very well, but I try to at least be aware of when it is happening and remind myself of where that thinking will get me. I remind myself that I am only 26, and there is a magnificent life ahead of me.
Change: I am striving to place value on every part of my life, not just my career.
I am striving to enjoy every day
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Starting the Journey
I worked my butt off in high school, and then I worked my butt off in college. I cared very little about anything except grades and jobs. I wanted to be the best in my classes and the best in my field of study. This made everything into a competition and a scramble to the top. Towards the end of college, I started gaining a lot of weight, and due to different living arrangements, stress, and out-of-whack priorities, I was eating crap all day, every day, exercising very little, and sleeping even less.
After college this pattern continued and even got worse. I was gaining and gaining weight, making every excuse in the book not to exercise, and focusing only on career success, to the detriment of any other area of my life that needed attention. I was grumpy, suffered from unexplainable anxiety, and was constantly tired and stressed out. And all by the time I was 25!
I knew what it took to get healthy (all my life I had learned about natural medicine and healthy eating), but I was looking for a quick fix to get healthier and happier without putting in the effort. Of course, nothing I tried worked.
Throughout the last few months, I had what some might call a quarter-life-crisis. I was miserable at my job, I was burned out in my Master's program, I was still overweight and lethargic, and I saw no escape. This rock bottom forced me to do some serious soul searching, and in that process, it seemed like lots of little pieces started falling into place for a total life renovation.
I found a little book that seriously flipped my thinking. Wellth by Jason Wachob inspired both my husband Jacob and me to seriously examine each part of our life and make changes to ensure development in all of them. Small changes that we have made have already yielded some positive results!
The journey is just beginning, and of course we are not perfect (hell we are pretty new to all of this), but I invite you to follow my Chronicles of Wellness and hopefully it will encourage or inspire someone who was in my shoes to examine their life and make changes that will nurture their mind, body, and spirit.
After college this pattern continued and even got worse. I was gaining and gaining weight, making every excuse in the book not to exercise, and focusing only on career success, to the detriment of any other area of my life that needed attention. I was grumpy, suffered from unexplainable anxiety, and was constantly tired and stressed out. And all by the time I was 25!
I knew what it took to get healthy (all my life I had learned about natural medicine and healthy eating), but I was looking for a quick fix to get healthier and happier without putting in the effort. Of course, nothing I tried worked.
Throughout the last few months, I had what some might call a quarter-life-crisis. I was miserable at my job, I was burned out in my Master's program, I was still overweight and lethargic, and I saw no escape. This rock bottom forced me to do some serious soul searching, and in that process, it seemed like lots of little pieces started falling into place for a total life renovation.
I found a little book that seriously flipped my thinking. Wellth by Jason Wachob inspired both my husband Jacob and me to seriously examine each part of our life and make changes to ensure development in all of them. Small changes that we have made have already yielded some positive results!
The journey is just beginning, and of course we are not perfect (hell we are pretty new to all of this), but I invite you to follow my Chronicles of Wellness and hopefully it will encourage or inspire someone who was in my shoes to examine their life and make changes that will nurture their mind, body, and spirit.
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